Slow Down...........

So its been a while, heck I've been busy, OK! Sheesh!

Is it that your girl was so busy that after picking up old YE faithful-Kalongi for the routine oil change, I was so happy that I was able to leave him overnight considering it was too late to have it done last evening. I had a nice cool walk over to pick him up, the guys were really polite and pleasant as usual. I had to take a minute to put my boyfriend J Holiday on before pulling off and now that I think of it I did not raise the volume to 25 as I usually do. I did however give a nod
to the young buck pulling out ahead of me giving me the look over. It was just another day until
I pulled out of the gas station, made a right, overtook a bus and was flagged down about a quarter mile away. Looking at the cop was like
"I know she ain't directing traffic, but me ain't know this woman from Adam, Is me she calling?"
In my head I was like; it IS a cop, so I guess I should stop. Maybe routine check on license, regs, insurance is what I thought. Pulled aside, smiled and gave up the required documents. She is like Miss you were doing 40 in a 30. I had the biggest smile on my face because I was trying to keep myself from laughing. Me ..........speeding and I wasn't on the Beltway. I couldn't believe it. She goes to her vehicle and I am like its a good thing I just had the emissions test done and I changed my plates and my license over and I printed the insurance card. I am such a worry wort, she is like slow down a bit I am letting you go with a warning. Symbolic? Maybe. All I know is it was a funny situation to be laughing my head off! So alright I got the message universe I am taking it easy.

Trinidad-the beautiful, nothing less

So it was about this time, over thirty years ago that the first black woman was crowned Miss Universe. Where was she from Trini! Yay! Janelle "Penny" Commissiong (Now Chow). She was, and still is flawlessly beautiful. What I love most about Penny is that she was not in between or mixed or commercialised in any way. She made every black girl feel as if they were good enough as they were. She had short hair, she was not particularly tall or skinny but she outshone every woman there. Gracious, poised and a successful businesswoman Penny is so perfect.
Then we did it again about twenty years later with another ebony goddess -Wendy Fitzwilliam.
Wendy is pretty interesting because she pushed a lot of buttons by announcing while unmarried that she was pregnant at a speaking event at a Catholic girls school. Later, with more controvesy it turned out to be a still married Jamaican. Even worse, still married to former Jamaican pageant winner herself -Lisa Hanna. Wendy undoubtedly would affect young women with her choice to have a child for at that point a still married man. I think it reflects life issues that we may all encounter. She is accomplished, intelligent and of age in my book. Her choice is her own and I think that it was probably good for knocking down some of those cultural taboos. It brings to the forefront issues we should be considering for ourselves personally with regard to marriage, relationships and individual choice. I love these women because they just keep kicking down doors.

Aprender Espanol

So I am trying to rehash what I learnt about a decade ago. Spanish is right there next to English in terms of popularity, at least in my neck of the woods. After years of being wide eyed and shaking my head rapidly to utter "no espana", I think its high time I try to learn something at which I am not adept.
I remember some words and phrases. I recall getting good grades in Spanish back in high school. Even so, it was awful when I opted to start with basics -the alphabet, and a native spanish speaker thought that for the letter "J" I was making a slang reference to female genitalia!!!!! Embarassing! I mean how do I make jota sound like chocha. Gosh, can I blame my West Indian Accent? I thought that was supposed to help!
So even though I think I can zoom through the first CD, with basic vocab, I should probably brush up on my pronunciation. Reminds me of when I tried to be fresh and call a Puerto Rican guy an idiot and wound up calling him bendejo instead of pendejo.........Uh that was only this past November. At least he was laughing and not mad. Gosh I think I have a lot of work to do........Shucks at least I can curse in hindi with confidence, Lan ki pikar ki...........

The brood expands

Alright, so I am not by any means trying to usurp Perez, but someone wanted my take on Brangelina given the birth of the new twins this past Sunday.

I have to tell you I love Brangelina. I have always loved Angelina Jolie and well Brad........ is hot. Takes the bull by the horns and does what she wants to, how can I not love Angie? I am not one for adultery, broken homes or hearts, but Brad was obviously looking for more that Jen was willing to give. Jen to me epitomizes the Hollywood, career, self-centered breed. Picture perfect in every respect, but fulfilling every aspect of life? Probably not. Perfect body, husband, career......... Brad probably got tired of the cookie cutter image with no depth and opted for something more meaningful.

Jolie doesn't care if you think she's gay, bi or crazy. Matters not that she may be critisized for trying to create a Benetton ad for her family portraits, she does what she believes to be best. She also appears to be less preoccupied with herself and Hollywood. Doesn't exactly that make her more beautiful?

A Rod or A Hole, I haven't decided........

So alright I can't leave this one alone!

So yeah Alex Rodriquez is physically attractive by most standards and is renowned as an all star athlete in the realm of baseball. For me though when I look at him I always feel there is something missing or lacking with him I don't know; call me crazy but, he may be have been looking for that with or from Madonna (whichever you want to believe).

His wife, sorry don't know her name, filed for divorce on the premise of being emotionally abandoned. Believable. She has been described as the long time girlfriend, now mother of his two kids, but who is she beyond that? If he is accomplished and successful, how does she measure up as a companion and equal? Is she accomplished in the sense that she is doing what she wants to do as an individual? Trophy perhaps? I hope not, he seems to have enough of those. If in fact he finds solace, comfort, camaraderie or a kindred soul in Madonna and I were his wife I would feel jealous and hurt too, after all I am a woman too.

I'm just not sure if I am ready to christen him A-hole yet though. Maybe you can change my mind.......

Deception

The Curses of an enemy.
The Malice of a foe.
Neither of these can be compared to the pain experienced as a result of the deception of a man by his friend.

Hurl stones at me.
Pour acid on my head.
But do not send the arrow of Cupid dipped in the well of deceit.

For it is not the pierce that debilitates me, but, the poison of deception.
Give me the truth at any expense.
For the truth only hurts if masked by falsehood.

Joy……..

The crash of the waves against the shore was not enough to drown the call of the cocrico, consistent in its bid for a mate to nestle atop the Mora branches clustered with the velvety green leaflets that layered its crown. “ Coc-ri-co….o.o..” was what had shaken me from my sleep before even the day had dawned.
It was time to make my way down the trail that was beaten by the constant trodding of bare feet along the same course through the cushiony water grass that bordered Studley. It was with a knowledge that could only be acquired with habit and familiarity that I weaved my way through and arrived at the tanned carpet that paved the way to the foam lined ocean that lay before me. The bands of sunshine that now radiated from the heavens to the ocean blue created prisms of light that welcomed the new day with an array of color that played on the water’s surface. I plunged into the salty spray and was embraced by the tepid water that enveloped my body before I resurfaced to move my arms in a stroke that would begin my morning swim at Studley Bay.

Light, Color, Music, Laughter......

No, its not a club scene. Its actually all the things that feed my soul, what a breath of fresh air.

So I am reading this book by Deepak Chopra, The seven spiritual laws of success. Concise and oh so very interesting. A really good read. It speaks to living your life in such a way that allows for your happiness that ultimately is in direct co-relation with the good of the universe. My favorite quote throughout the book is "This moment is as it should be". Something that I am going to try to remember, even when I am at my worst.

It is particularly refreshing to have a conversation about something beyond who makes how much, who drives what, whose husband makes how much more. It is so much more interesting for me to consider what motivates and inspires us, what we struggle with, what makes us tick. Within the past few days I have had contact with two people who have inspired me to consider and revive my passions. For me, light, color, music laughter, living -ultimately an expression of LOVE.

What's with the dreads?

Some of my friends are just a little sickened by my thing for the dreads. I am still trying to figure it out myself. The past three guys I have dated have all sported those long tresses that never get touched by a comb. To me it's sooo sexy! I am not saying that I am attracted to all dreads but, Yes, it will get my attention.

The fact that its afrocentric, that there is usually a swagger that goes with those locks and a toss of the head that is in no way effeminate, all these add to my attraction. A really handsome face crowned with a mass of dreads is so attractive. So primal and lion like. I think my mother is to blame, all that Bob Marley music, crying when he died, what was I supposed to do?

I don't only like dreads, I think that David Beckham, Brad Pitt and Nigel Barker are the sexiest celebs around, but i have to say the dreads do it for me. Hell, I'm done explaining I just think they're hot!

Yikes! Puberty.........on its way!

Gosh, so I was wondering why my seven year old has a comment for everything that comes out of my mouth. I now know why..........

So I am in front of my computer at home wondering why I still have so much junk email even though i use all kinds of blockers when she shouts out "Mommy smell!". I turn away from the monitor to see her with her arm up to the sky motioning for me to smell her pits. Like yuk! The thought only equals the actual odor that this skinny little kid emits!

"So that means I get to use deodorant?" she says. I sense some joy and pride that I wish would go back from wherever it came from. That also means I have to get into "Mommy Mode" and a lecture is necessary. No, ....not the birds and the bees yet. My god, I dodge the "how are babies made" question every couple of weeks. It seems the fascination never grows old. No matter how much I use the clinical terms, I sometimes feel she just wants to know about the raw sex act. The graphics of that are yet to be revealed by me. I still think too young.

But wait, she is getting pretty close though. I was able to curb the excitement of the "Deodarant" joy when I went on to talk about the growth of pubic hair and getting a period. I was secretly pleased when she got really grossed out, her expression was priceless. It was kind of the same pleasure I get when she says she does not want to get married or have kids. I tell her no, but I am really very elated........although I know its all about to change. She now thinks that guy from High School Musical, Corbin, with the crazy hair is cute. Well I guess I am partly to blame, you see I like guys with crazy hair too, dreads are number one in my book. .........Gosh now I have a feeling I already know what i am in for, somebody get me some pills -I feel a headache coming on.....!

Woman to Woman...... It's tough!

Gosh, female friendships for me have lately become a chore! Well, if you can consider lately to be most of my adult life, which amounts to just over a decade -then so be it! Not that I am better with the other gender but gosh it seems so much more straightforward dealing with men as exhausting as that in itself is!

My female relationships up until about twenty have been strong representations of sisterhood where we aspire together and inspire each other toward our varied goals. Now its more like competition, jealousy and cat fighting to prove "I'm better than you". For me, this does not allow me to maintain healthy sustained friendships with those of my own gender because I really only like competing with one person, -myself!

The friendships of my youth are strong as ever and are separated only by the physcial distance that throws some of my very best friends all over the globe. We feel pride in each others accomplishments and share each others pain, all in the same spirit of camraderie we had as young idealistic teens.

So my question, which may remain unanswered is why the adult relationships that I now form with women seem to always involve the horns and claws coming out at some stage? It can't be cultural. A lot of these women are from the same culture that I was raised in. Is this some kind pageantry notion that is instilled in women, that exhibits itself in our adulthood. "Hey bitch gimme that tiara!" I dont know beats me............

So this is set up day. What's happening with me? Lots.

To start with I am dealing with Kalongi ( the 16 year old love of my life that is a green two-door Tercel). I have recently made the move after a decade from NYC to B'more and inevitably brought Kalongi along for the ride so to speak. Having driven only about 3 miles each day for the past three years, he was notably shell shocked with the daily 20 mile journey each way to trek me back and forth to work. This also excludes pick up from soccer, swimming and basketball!

On first getting here, poor Kalongi was running without oil, and the engine gave on a trip that had been my fourth from the two hundred mile trek to NY. The title of "ole ye faithful" has now been claimed for my love.

Having that repaired he was running like he used to until yesterday when the gas pedal somehow became disloged just after getting on the exit to Washington Blvd. Luckily for me I was about a mile away from my job and was able to maneuver two turns on whatever residual gas there was that allowed me to stop two buildings from my job. (Tell me there is not a God!) Thanks for Rich who is my new best friend and tutor for a dumb girls guide to everything auto, the damsel in distress was saved and able to make it home yesterday!

The equivalent of a journal online..........Fantabulous! Here I am to represent the thoughts, ideas and experiences of a West Indian Woman living in the US. Nuff stories right! I am a thirty something, uh let me count...........thirty-two year old Trinidad-born chica living life on my own terms loving it and sometimes screaming and yes even crying while doing so.